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Highly recommended. Richo some day to simply thank him in-person. I believe David Richo to be one of the most profound & insightful self-help authors out there today & that's a wide field indeed---& seemingly wider by the month. This book is a great gift & as with 'The Five Things We Cannot Change.', I've paper-clipped so many pages for ongoing study, that it won't close properly.I hope to meet Dr.
If you are dealing with any of the problems this book is about (and if you are human, you probably are to some degree), do yourself a favor and get this book. I have been working on the issues in this book for around twenty years, and I only wish I had bought it twenty years ago. I have not even read half of this book yet, and I can already say that it has helped me change my self and my life. It has such insight and wisdom in it - I can't say enough about how wonderful it is.
I was able to read only a few pages then I needed to put the book down and spend a day or two thinking about what I had just read. The root of anger, frustration and stonewalling in relationships, understanding and accepting our fear is our greatest journey in life.One caution: This book takes many sittings to read properly. Almost like magic, I found myself time and again reading just the few pages I most needed to hear as I worked my way through. Having first read Richo's "How to be an Adult," calling When Love Meets Fear: How to Become Defense-Less and Resource-Full his "best book" is quite a statement. The former is a wonderful and life changing tome that teaches the keys to meaningful relationships with others.When Love Meets Fear builds on that message with a book expressly on the subject of fear.
Most of the rest is merely the passing of time for lifestyle comfort, and always subject to a tenuous existence, focusing upon quantity not quality of the relationship. Is there any more insulting rejection to a women than hearing, "there are plenty of more fish in the sea." This proves not only the lack of integrity of the presumed lover but also the lack of mature perspective in appreciating the fact of one so committed and enamored. Fear of loss inevitably follows. There is a huge difference.
In beginning to read the orientation, it turned me off completely when it began with the fear of females. It is the reason women wait, and it is the reason men refrain from being steered to other momentary pleasures. But mature love accepts loss graciously in knowing that if love is not reciprocal within the range of adequacy deemed honorable and pure, generated from inside not outside, the result of well considered contemplation of strengths as well as weaknesses, flaws as well as perfections, the result hopefully of a really long and committed second, third or fourth look. It's so overdone.
Faced with love that is generated within, and not because of trophyism and a misperception of external comfort may be frightening to men because it makes them dependent on the emotional consistency of that secure feeling, and delight in its glory. Isn't all real love like that. But hasn't been tackled is the fear of men who have a completely different style when they meet fear, and often become aggressive because of it. Just as men prefer to be the "one and only," so also women expect to be the "one and only." The fear of being alone doesn't necessarily produce the anxiety of feeling excluded if the flaws are seen in those who exhibit them, and operate more as malice than rejection.
I understand from this book that it is much better to just experience those original painful feelings instead of spending your life overanalyzing every minute of every day trying to make the world something it is not. Richo explains the most common lies: life is just, suffering is avoidable, things don't change, etc. I cannot say enough good things about this book. I have tried a lot of self-help techniques but the ones contained in this book are unlike any I've encountered.The biggest lesson I got out of this book is that so many of our problems nowadays occur because we had painful experiences earlier in life but instead of facing them and accepting the ramifications - we chose to lie to ourselves instead.
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